28 Years Later

Abortion Still Leaves Two Victims: One Dead, One Wounded

February 3, 2009

 

I cannot emphasize enough how many women are walking wounded and are still, many years later, suffering from the side effects of abortion. Even the FDA checks out complaints against drugs and food after so many are found to be questionable and pulls them or bans them from consumer markets. With so many women in society coming out and speaking about the personal risks, side-effects, and devastation of abortion, why are we allowing this? And why the silence in the media?

The following is yet another abortion survivor’s testimony we received. Hopefully, hearts will be touched. ~Angela                                                                                               

 

Hi Angela and Daniel,

 

Words do not describe how positively overwhelmed I have been checking out your multifaceted ministry website. I heard about your work through a link shown on EWTN's coverage of the Washington D.C. . March for Life. Most startling was the "Workers" section and meticulous daily Street Reports with photographs and video. Seeing the workers photographs made memories flood back to me.

 

Yes, I had an abortion at Hopeless back in early 1981. I am from Carbondale , IL and back then was kind of a "hippie" licensed hairdresser. I did drugs (no needles), was shamelessly immoral and sexually promiscuous and party-oriented.  When I went in for a routine PAP I found out that I was about 10 weeks pregnant & had no clue. I had taken the pill since the time I was 18 and now I was 29 and my period was very short...so I didn't notice any signs. I had also taken Mescaline, a hallucenigive during the time I may have conceived & the father may have been one of 2 men... so I was concerned and I also had a congenital hearing loss in my family that was very debilitating--deafness is a scary thing to experience. I tried unsuccessfully to research natural abortives--herbs--but time was of the essence so a couple of weeks later my girlfriend brought me up. "Bad to the Bone" by George Thoroughgood was playing on the radio. I had contacted my mother for some personal health information & she guessed that I was pregnant & immediately said that I would have to get an abortion. She was ashamed. I had low self-esteem & didn't think I would make a good mother & that this would be for the best for both of us...not one person encouraged me to keep my baby.

 

I remember when I walked in the clinic that the reception desk had a legal petition on a clipboard to close the clinic. I also remember being put in a small waiting room separate from the bigger waiting room where all the drivers of the women waited, stripped from the waist down with my jeans & shoes in a little plastic drawstring bag, after I had been counseled & told the procedure for numbing the cervix. Each time that waiting room door opened another girl went in until I was the last to be called, just before noon...I was left all by myself, but I wouldn't have known which way to leave if I had wanted to. One of the 2 men paid for the procedure; gave me cash, $3-400.

I also remember being put under and feeling the jerking vacuum suctioning & the loud humming motor underneath it all. I don't know where my friend had been all that time, but she helped me into the car...I was weak & rested with my eyes closed on the way home...& I had mixed emotions & didn't feel like talking. The clinic gave me some white pills (that tasted like cottage cheese) to take over a period of 2 weeks to cut down risk of infection and I was told to get a checkup at home 6 weeks later. At that appointment, the Dr. was very harsh with me and asked me why I didn't get my tubes tied since I had gotten an abortion. I told him I wanted to leave the possibility of having a child open in my life. I didn't want to explain myself to him; he seemed very judgmental and hurt my feelings. (he was married & had 4 kids) I had the abortion out of fear (of my capabilities & the responsibility for a child all by myself. My mom had told me when I was a teen that if I ever got into "trouble" not to come to her for help--& I believed her.

 

For 15 years life went on and I had the "blues," a lot throughout my 30's never thinking of connecting that to the abortion as I was always having a very difficult relationship with my mother & had since my teens when we had to have some intervention counseling by clergy--it helped some. Shortly (one month) after the abortion I met a quadriplegic guy at a bar (he rescued me from some jerk that was pestering me as I was waiting to meet my girlfriend) and I later became his personal attendant & we grew to love each other....up until the present--26 years now.

 

I never again had sex with anyone; I didn't think I deserved to after having handled the consequences the way I did with the abortion. I've been celibate for over 25 years. When I was 40, I decided to read the Bible (greatest Book on earth) so I listened to a N. T. tape series while I walked for exercise. My life changed dramatically after that; I was hooked on God's Word and the Holy Spirit further guided my journey to Jesus. I had dabbled in the Eastern religions, but was unsatisfied & thought I would give the western Christian Jesus a chance. That journey led me eventually to the Catholic Church; although I was baptized a Methodist as a baby. It was then that I was convicted by the Spirit of my abortion & terribly afraid that I had somehow sent the baby (who I learned had a soul) to hell because of my actions. I had always thought the baby was tainted because of how she was conceived--in sin doing drugs--evil. I was spiritually ignorant of many things, but many caring people helped me to work through these unfounded fears & false notions. Mark has always been there to share my pain & grief. He says that "abortion is a de-fetus attitude."

In 2007, I got interviewed by 3 local papers & my picture in one facing off the opposers with my Rosary during the C'Dale Life Prayerchain. 

 

I have to also give much credit to Al-Anon where I worked the 12 steps (over time I had  3 major relationships with different types of alcoholics) and this program helped me to learn how to love myself and not enable others in their addictions. The 11th Step--sought through prayer & meditation to know God ..... was my saving Grace & we used to end the meetings with the Lord's Prayer....a most powerful prayer I now pray the Rosary daily & the Divine Mercy Chaplet. Jesus I trust in You.

 

It has gotten harder as I have gotten older to bear the emotional emptiness caused by the abortion, now 57--many regrets; much guilt and many tears. Some women from a Rosary group encouraged me to name the baby...so on the 20th anniversary of what would have been her birth I named her Rose; Baby Rose. I continue to heal; just recently through watching Priests for Life, Janet Moreno enlightened me that since I had taken the pill for 10 years I could have aborted maybe 3 more babies during that time of taking contraceptives....again I went to the Confessional. Actually, I confessed the abortion to 3 different priests over time--never feeling "cleansed." I have had to forgive myself by faith. I believe the years of contraception eventually led to the abortion.

 

God has also greatly blessed me with a "daughter" (she lives in Alton & goes to St. Mary's) whom I sponsored in the Church and she has since had 3 lovely children and the last, Ben who is 2, is our God child. I have helped pray all 3 children into the world. Mark & I also have an older God son, Nick; 16 years old--the oldest of his brother's 2 sons.  Praise Be God * * *

I am praying for my brother -- he has had a vasectomy and no children. My mother's fearful behavior greatly wounded us both. I found out she is considered a "dry-drunk"--it's complicated and caused by her woundedness. She is deceased now & I tried to make my peace as best I could.

*Well, that is my abridged story; a regrettable abortion & a defining event in my life that has devastated me throughout its various stages. You may use this story if you want, if you believe it will help anyone. Thanks for listening.  ***************************

 

Most sincerely in Christ,

Lynn